I get tired of my inner critical voice today.
It’s my cheat day on Slow carb diet and since I’m in a brand new city, I figured I’d take a bus to Aldi and get some beloved carbs.
On my way back I realized that I could’ve just walked to a Kroger that’s 15 minutes away and get my stuff, I took the longer path for the comfort of familiarity instead of exploring new adventures. The critic’s voice was tiny but it was there, and I was again amazed by my mind’s ability to be judgy on every little thing, and this unsolicited critical voice is something I’ve been trying to dial down.
So I came up with an idea/ experiment: no judgement day.
Each week, I will let the critic have one day off, for now I’ll experiment on Saturday.
Ideally, I want no judgement for whatever I do, everything I want to do gets a green light instead of a smack in the face:
- want to go out and stare at the sun? good,
- want to eat a whole cheesecake by myself? good,
- want to lie down on the ground and do nothing? good,
- want to post a crappy blog with one sentence in it? good,
- want to cry over the last chapter of Sapolsky’s A Primate’s Memoir? good,
- want to browse YouTube for an entire afternoon? good,
- want to go down the rabbit hole of deal hunting and buy things that might be useful twice in ten years? good,
- want to stare at the useless trash I bought on impulses? good,
- want to play Hollow Knight for 10 hour straight? I’m not sure I can do that, but the thought’s fine 😉
I know myself well enough to know it’s impossible to completely silence the inner critic, but that’s the goal.
I want some peace and rest instead of feeling pushed to chase after some indescribable destination called purpose. I want to lower my glucocorticoid level as much as possible and see how that feels like.
I want to take a pause and just look at life as it is, without judgement.
The hope is that it’ll release some of the stress that gets piled on, reset glucocorticoid base level, and restore a more realistic perspective of life.